Attention blog commenter: Show some intestinal fortitude and state your name. If you’ve got something to say, good, bad or otherwise, you should NOT be allowed to remain anonymous, For far too long the media (including blogs) have been able to hide behind the cloak of anonymity.

Recently I blogged about Paul Tilley, a high-level ad exec who offed himself by plunging from the roof of the Fairmont Chicago Hotel. Some folks believe that mean-spirited comments portraying the now deceased in a negative light, contributed to his decision to commit suicide.

We’ll never know for sure. And this is obviously an extreme case. However, it brings the importance of accountability front and center. We enjoy freedom of speech, but are we showing that beautiful right enough respect? That’s a question that I encourage all bloggers and blog readers ask themselves before submitting their two cents.

Before you run to a proxy server to cover up your identity, think about the far-reaching impact your words can have. Sometimes it’s tough to have your voice heard on the Web, and sometimes your corner or the earth can shake the universe.

Other good questions to ask yourself:

Am I being truthful?
Am I being insulting?
Am I just angry?

For safety’s sake, you should assume that the comment CAN and WILL be traced back to you. Do you have the facts and information necessary to back up your claims?

Cause nothing really stays anonymous for long.

The latest reality TV sensation to hit the American airwaves is The Moment of Truth, a FOX show that hooks a willing participant to a lie detector device. The individual is peppered with deeply personal questions. The goal is to tell the truth, all the way to $500,000.

Since the show has become a worldwide sensation (airing under different names in 23 countries), the editors here at Jack of All Blogs asked – no demanded – that I be hooked up to a polygraph for this blog entry. Being that they’re offering a prize of $10, I figured ‘why the heck not!’ So, without your permission, I’ll answer their questions, speaking on behalf of bloggers everywhere.

Q: Do you genuinely enjoy writing blogs?
A: Yes
Result: TRUE

Q: If presented with the opportunity, would you blog full-time?
A: Yes
Result: TRUE

Q: Would you stop blogging if your employer doubled your salary?
A: No
Result: LIE

Q: Do you adhere to copyright laws when using images on blogs?
A: Yes
Result: LIE

Q: Do you get angry when you see a similar post to one you’ve written – but crappier – on the front page of Digg?
A: Yes
Result: TRUE

Q: Do you leave comments on your own blogs?
A: No
Result: LIE

Q: Do you ever search porn when you hit a writing roadblock?
A: No
Result: LIE

Q: Do you research or write blogs on company time.
A: No
Result: LIE

Dear blogger, if you answered differently below, let us know in the comments section. Though we know you’re lying.

Media mega-star Howard Stern has always credited his haters for helping him achieve a sick amount of fame and fortune. Many people tune into his radio show to look for reasons to be offended. In the process, rather than unplugging his mic, they are giving the show more juice, hence, adding to his audience.

Don’t make the same mistake when it comes to blogs that piss you off. Even if it’s this one.

“Spying” on your enemy or seeing what your blog competition is up to can be useful. But if you’re hitting refresh every few hours, all you’re really doing is giving that blog a jolt of traffic. Occasional “eavesdropping” has a purpose, but obsessive monitoring doesn’t help you differentiate your product.

If you build it, they will come. Or not. If you look away, they will fade. Or not. At least you did your part.

The best way to punish a blog you don’t like is to look the other way, never visit again. never mention it to anyone – in fact – don’t even think about it.

Often, bloggers will use their Websites as a way to attack the destinations they disagree with. You’ll usually find these posts lacking links. Big deal. Search engines will still pick up the word and Average Joes will still search the site to seek it out.

If a store screws you over, don’t return.
If there’s a fly in your soup, don’t order again.
If a blog makes your blood boil, click the little black “x.”

Ouch. I just saw our subscriber count drop. Good for you!

This past week’s one-on-one debate between Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton was shrouded in civility. The two candidates danced around each other, for the most part, playing nice-nice.

We all know that both sides of the aisle want to appear composed, together and unified. But why then, do I sense the same phony relationship between many bloggers and their readers.

Case in point.

John Chow, who I believe runs a fine blog on being an “evil” media mogul, recently announced a contest with an advertiser, iBusinessTalk. What gets me is that the advertiser’s domain is iBusinessTalk.com. However, when you get to the Website, there are banners everywhere spelled iBUSSINESSTALK.

Whoa.

I know that the experts say there is no correlation between spelling and intelligence. However, how can I take business advice from a Website that can’t even spell the word right? That’s biz 101, no?

Errors happen. In fact this post might be rife with them.

What irks me is that, just like the debate, no one wants to take John Chow to task and say, “Hey dude, the company who’s plastered on your Web site totally lacks credibility.”

I know everyone is desperate to win the contest (you get some free ad space on Mr. Chow’s Website) and make a buck, but I expect more from intelligent bloggers and blog readers. As of this post, 37 comments on Chow’s post, and all of them are just fluffy praise.

C’mon people. Let’s not be sheep! That makes us no better than phony politicos.

Jack of All Blogs vows to make self-improvement a priority in ’08. We want all bloggers to find salvation. That’s why we’ve taken it upon ourselves to write resolutions, not only for ourselves, but for you too, dear blogger.

Stop Stealing. Just cause it comes up in a Google Image search does not mean you can use it. Either pay for images or hunt down royalty-free shots.

Blog Jacking. Taking an excerpt form someone else’s blog and putting it on your own does not make you a blogger; it makes you a copy and paster. Go write some original content.

Less E-mail Checking. Your blog writing would greatly improve if you controlled your A.D.D. Set aside designated times to check your e-mail (a la the 4-Hour Workweek) and control the urge.

Cut Clutter. You can’t control the flood of widgets that are available but you CAN control how many you throw into your sidebar.

Stop. Don’t launch until you have a content plan and are fully committed. If not, you’re wasting valuable domain space that someone else could be running with.

Micro-Blog With Purpose. Only tell us what you’re doing if you are doing something interesting. Don’t tell us that you’re twittering on Twitter.

We All Digg. I don’t need you to tell me what’s been featured on the Digg homepage since I’ve already been there.

Network Offline. Building it isn’t enough. You should promote your content both online and off.

Numbers and Questions. Sure they’re catchy to draw readers in, but hopefully people are starting to see through the gimmick. If your content doesn’t back up your headline, repeat visitors will go repeat somewhere else.

About Us. Go clean up your About Us page. It should not only tell people about YOU but about your mission/goal behind the blog. For good measure, also include your contact information.

We’ll do our best to stick to these resolutions and hope you do too. At least when we drop the ball on January 2 we won’t be alone!

Now cue all of the new “let me chronicle my weight loss” blogs.

Good luck and Happy New Year!

Now that’s what laptops were invented for, right? Computing power anytime, anywhere. Lugging around a 15-inch MacBook Pro isn’t quite my idea of how to best digest my RSS feeds while doing my thing, though. Thankfully with my latest gadget I won’t have to worry about getting a $2,500 device wet and rusty.

AdSense check just cleared and with a few extra bucks I got myself this Christmas season’s must-have gadget (aside from the iPhone)–the Asus Eee PC, the two-pound $400 wonder. Sure most modern laptops today will run circles around the Eee in terms of specs but this baby has hit the sweet spot in terms of price, portability, features and functionality.

The Eee measures just 10 inches diagonally and runs on a 900 MHz Celeron-M processor with 512MB of RAM and a 4 GB solid-state drive. It has three USB 2.0 ports, a VGA-out port, built-in mic and stereo speakers, MMC/SD slot and a webcam. Battery lasts three and a half hours.

Sure, it’s not top of the line in terms of specs, but again at $400 and at 2 pounds, it is worth considering, isn’t it?

Most other brand laptops close to this size will be more powerful and with more features, but also the closest competitor costs four times more. And at $400, the Eee is an Internet-ready computer with a light and fast operating system (Linux-based). Good enough for blogging anywhere there’s a WiFi connection. Perfect for those in the blogging biz like me.

I can now bring a full-fledged computer anywhere without breaking my back–and the bank.

So am I really blogging from the bathroom? Well, my home WiFi signal does reach to the bathroom, but to be honest I’d rather not read my RSS list while sitting on the throne. Too much crap can be a bad thing.

Numbers. Magical, aren’t they? Not really. But for some reason, when it comes to blog post titles, they magically produce readers, better than any Copperfield magic trick ever could.

The entire thing baffles me.

Let’s look at two fake blog titles and you tell me which one you would click on.

17 Ways to Be Happy
vs.
The Secret to Happiness

I’m willing to bet my Jack of All Blogs paycheck that the first one would receive the majority of clicks. Think about how stupid that is. Why would you want to do something 17 ways when you can do it once? It goes against Web logic. We want things fast. Immediate gratification. Yet, rather then take the easiest route possible, we need lengthy laundry lists that in many cases are jammed with filler.

If a blog writer is going to do the research so the reader doesn’t have to, just cut to the chase and give me the solution. I don’t need 9 Ways to Get the Smell of Garlic Off My Hands. I need the ONE that will do the trick.

Anyone can make a list. But not everyone has the editorial know-how to write balanced reviews and make analytical decisions. Even if it’s not a “knowledge” issue it might be a balls issue. As in, having the intestinal fortitude to go on the record with strong thoughts and opinions. I know it’s a trick that works, but c’mon bloggers – it’s time we find the next “click trap.”

I’m not saying that numbers don’t make for attention-grabbing headlines. But are we as readers so gullible that a simple numeric will pull us in every time?

11 Ways to Unclog a Toilet
6 Must-Have Writing Utensils
17 Stars Under 30 Born in April

These are stories that should attract ZERO interest. But the addition of a mere number would surely lure in readers.

Take a look at the front page of Digg or Mixx or Thoof – or the social news site of your choice. Odds are, their home pages are jammed with more numbers than Steven Hawking could handle.

In fact, since numbers are everywhere in blog titles, I’m going to start only clicking on word-only headlines. Since they are the exception, not the rule, they’re starting to stick out more than ever before.

There weren’t 53 reasons you needed to read this. In fact, there probably wasn’t even one.

Green this and green that. Green cars, green companies, and green thumbs. Wait. That last one has been around forever.

Everywhere you turn someone is going green.

It used to be one of my favorite colors. Now, it’s dead to me. Too common. I’m the kind of blogger that likes to buck a trend.

I’m sticking to the old definition of green. The one with all of those negative connotations: Inexperienced; jealous; sick.

The world will laugh last when the trees are all gone and I’m alone, hooked up to some God-awful mechanical breathing machine. But with my last breath I will declare black as my favorite color. Maybe cause it’ll be the color of my lungs. Or maybe because it just brings out the color of my eyes.

Green is a color, the perception of which is evoked by light having a spectrum dominated by energy with a wavelength of roughly 520–570 nm.

Huh?

Embedded carbon emissions and global warming and fossil fuels. Maybe I’m just too dumb to understand any of it.

Many bloggers are looking for ways to “green” their blog. Yes, green is now a verb. If you are interested, you can check out TreeHugger for more info.

Not me. I’m green enough.

Over 20,000 blogs participated in Blog Action Day, which this year, was all about – you guessed it – getting’ your green on!

So is Jack of All Blogs green? You betcha!

We like Kermit the Frog, pistachio ice cream (with cherries) and good ol’ American greenbacks. Plus, we’ll always have an affinity for green slime, a la Double Dare.

I’m not saying going green is bad. In fact, you should follow the herd. As for me, black is the new green. Who’s with me?

I recently had the displeasure of recruiting new writers for one of my blogs. For the measly few bucks a post I was willing to shell out, I was hardly expecting David Foster Wallace. However, I did expect eighth-grade level writing. And people who understood what they were applying for. And people, who when asked for 250 words, delivered 250 words.

It’s with the utmost respect that I remind you folks trolling around Blogger Jobs and similar sites that there are rules when you apply for jobs:

- Follow the job posting’s instructions

- Provide error-free copy

- Make your inquiry unique

- Make your contact information crystal clear

- Do not ask for $75 for a 200 word post

It doesn’t matter if you’re applying to be a part-time blogger or a full-time CEO. And yes, someone really did expect me to pay almost 50 cents a word for a blog post!

It’s a crowded playing field out there friends, and rest assured, there are people out there who can write twice as well as you – and will take half the pay. I’m not above the law. You’re not above the law. John Chow and all of the Probloggers out there are not above the law. It’s the law of life. No matter what you do for a living, never forget it.

One final note. I was overwhelmed at the number of stay-at-home moms that are looking to blog for bucks. Do you really need the cash or are you just trying to stay sane by making ‘adult’ contact?

My wish for the world is that there are enough freelance blogging gigs for all of us. And may they each pay $75 per post.

On behalf of bloggers across the nation, I would like to thank Google for lowering the RageRank of blogs that participated in any paid link or pay per post activity. Rather than slap the “offenders” on the wrist, the Google gang went all gulag on us and dove in straight for the kill. No warning. No immediate recourse. Just deflated numbers and lower traffic.

Sometimes life lessons need to be tough. Like the time dad didn’t let me take the car to pick up Alexandra on our second date because I called him a prick.

Let’s just say that my eyes have been opened. How dare I look to profit from my passion/hobby/love of blogging. Apparently, I need to be more like Google and just work for the sheer “kick” of it all.

Personally, one of my blogs (not this one) dropped from a PR5 to a PR ZERO – overnight. How would Google like it if they woke up one morning and they found that their stock price had slid from $651 to zero? Well, lucky for them, no one entity can play God with the markets. The same, however, can’t be said for PageRank.

Again, thanks for the life lesson.

As you are already aware, most bloggers have more money than they know what to do with. I don’t know about you, but I tend to blog from the East Wing of my palace.

I guess I was just being greedy when I decided to tell my audience about a business or service that might actually be of interest to them. That’ll teach me to be so darn multi-dimensional.

Consider me put in my place, Why would a blogger of my stature look to earn $10 for 200 words when I can earn four cents for 200,000 with AdSense? Math isn’t my strong suit, but that’s an equation even I can grasp.

Many people are reporting on the imminent demise of PageRank. I sure hope that’s not the case. Get those algorithms tweaked and hit me with a big stick – I like it. Please sir, may I have another?

Just like Alexandra back in eighth grade, Google managed to turn me into a zero without a single word of how I can win her (them) back.

That just means I’ll have to try twice as hard. I hope you’ll consider this heartfelt thank you as a solid start. In the meantime, who don’t you cook up a negative PageRank rating system, cause this zero thing just ain’t low enough. Not for the bad boy I’ve been, prick.

This post has been sponsored by no one.