Shiny Trends/Shiny Digital/Shiny Media hits ultimate level of ridicule

shinylogoIf before we weren’t interested at all by Shiny Media things have changed over the last weeks. Let’s be honest, why would us cowboys and muppets have bothered to follow a bunch of (not so) hot geek chicks and gadget bloggers who brought nothing to the party but occasionally were quoted in teh local UK press? Indeed, I couldn’t think of any reason to read those sites either.

But life changes and Shiny Media went in administration. Less than 2 months after new blogger gigs were available and only weeks after new editors were announced. Ever since then the blogosphere has been following Chris Price and his team. Much has been written since then and the network made a return as Shiny Trends. More →

Another one bites the dust. RIP JOAB 1.0

jeremy-wrightWith the announcement that JOAB beloved Jeremy Wright stepped down at B5Media we are sad to report that good ol’fashioned Jack of All Blogs died in the same breath.

Back in the days JOAB was snark blog par excellence, mainly excelling in it’s offensive style. Ran and edited by a snark master who we rather prefer to ignare and totally blank nowadays, JOAB was feared and every problogger or A-lister in the ‘about blogging’ scene became the victim. But times have changed and all these bloggers have become a snorefest. With Jeremy’s change in position the last of the failbloggers has died and taken down Jack of All Blogs at the same time.
Before I dive in to an identity crisis after yesterday’s event, I would love to thank JOAB’s preferred victims.

More →

When financial times are REALLY bad

Here at Jack of All Blogs we already established that Techcrunch is broken but things seem to get worse and worse every day for the once so popular Tech/Web2.0 blog.

For months TC has been adding authors and quantity to it’s arsenal, but sadly no quality. One could argue that former blogging Guru and TC full-time contributor Duncan Riley was not the best author either, but at least he knew how to stir some controversy. Ever since DR left TC has gone downhill.

Last week (community) blog Mashable passed TC to become the new #1 tech blog. But things do not only seem to be bad on the quality front, especially the financial department seems to have suffered.

Since weeks, TC has had several adblocks in its feeds. Ads in feeds are nothing new and several bigger blogs do have several ads in their feed. But today TC updated the feed and now comes with not 1, not 2, not even 3 but 5 (FIVE!) ads in the footer.

A whopping 720px*425px of ad space in your feedreader!

bad-economical-times

A Union For Bloggers, Exactly What I Need

By now everyone already knows that bloggers have a pretty exciting life! Exciting and relaxing. Just like Franky, I’m sitting here naked from the waist down and haven’t shaved for weeks.
But as if all that wasn’t enough, a Union to protect my rights, both on insurance and financial level is exactly what I still need! I want a Union! My kingdom (and the overused wheels of my office chair) for Unionized bloggers!.

Let me explain.

A blogger’s life is hard, it’s the epitome of every professionalized freelance dream. Unionized protection IS needed!
Here’s why.

Blogger’s wake up hours need to be protected
One of the biggest advantages of being a blogger is the freedom to decide my own working hours. And start working whenever I want. With the growing amount of wannabes, it becomes important to protect this advantage: no blog network owner should be allowed to impose me to publish entries before 6.00PM (my local time!)

Coffee is expensive and should be paid for by the network owner
Bloggers are notorious coffee addicts and belong, together with (web) designers, to the resident group of $tarbuck$ squatters. Both $tarbuck$ and good coffee beans are expensive. Those expenses have to be covered by the blog network owners. No coffee beans below Lavazza or Segafredo quality should be accepted. Daily at least 3 outdoor Mochaccinos should be paid for.
Every blog entry hitting the Digg/Reddit/Netscape/Techmeme front page should be rewarded with a bonus kilo of exotic Arabica coffee beans!

Fruity hardware, allowing anytime wireless access has to be provided
How can you call yourself a decent blogger if you use a box equipped with Redmond software? Of course you need the shiniest gadget, allowing you to be online at any time. You never know you might just get that stroke of genius while you’re in the middle of the pampas, far away from your internet connection. Your iPhone will save you and allow you to publish your marvelous entry at anytime. Fancy touch keyboard inclusive.
If you live outside of the distribution area of new, shiny gadgets, it’s the blog network owner’s task to hire a bunch of hackers and make sure anyone, anywhere can access and use those oh so shiny gadgets. And brag about them on their blog. Paid by the network owner of course.

Maximum working time has to be minimalized
It is important for bloggers to be allowed to whip out quick and dirty entries. Entries that only need 4 minutes of work, proofreading inclusive. Actually, the maximum time devoted to an entry should be limited to 4 minutes. If a blogger wants to work longer at an entry, this should only be goodwill-based, not expected.

At least 200 social contacts has to be provided by the network owner
To make sure that bloggers have enough of distraction and IM noise, every network owner has to provide at least 200 active social contacts to newly hired contributors. Minimum 40% of those contacts voluntarily have to cyber on cam whenever the blogger feels the need to go dirty!

Travel equipment and expenses have to be paid for.
Being the overactive, glued to the office chair or couch, blogging species we are, I demand that every 3 months a new set of pillows and ‘soft wheels’ for my office chair and couch are provided. More experienced bloggers will get a new duvet and new bedding every 6 months.

It is obvious that we bloggers, freelance contractors, special working requirements have and those need to be protected by our future Union!
Furthermore, we shall continue to enjoy the right to decide ourselves not to work under a certain rate/entry. But that… that’s a freedom we already have.
Maybe we can oblige blog network owners to include links to at least 5 of our own sites as well. On every network blog of course!

Please give me that Union now! Let my own voice, personality and (in)competence be oppressed (protected) by the strong voice of an Union, putting everyone on the same level. Obviously Union leaders will be the best paid ones among us!!!

For a more serious take on the topic, go read Jeremy Wright’s view on the economics of unionized blogging.

Cut The BLOG Thing. You’re SO 1998 With Your Lists.

I got enough of it. I’ve just lost it. Cut it. It’s boring, it’s annoying and it’s nothing more than backlink, social bookmarking and search engine driven. It’s all about getting on top in SERPs and not about the reader.

Lists.
Lists published at a high pace.

Everyone loves lists. Lists can be very useful. Lists and speedlinking. They can improve my productivity. But please… I can only digest _so_ many platforms, applications and blog entries.
Last weeks I’ve seen an increase in the number of lists in my feed reader. And not just lists, but lists aimed at being complete, leaving little to add. Lists consisting of more than 30 items, links, platforms, whatevers.

How will I digest all this information? How long do you think it takes me to visit and check out 30 comment plugins for WP, 20 code beautifiers and formatters, learn 200+ hotkeys and test 40 PDF tools? Do you think I really have no life? Do you think all I have to do s check your lists?

Have you decided I shouldn’t keep up with your content anymore?
No????

Well trust me, I _CAN’T_ keep up with all your lists! I am still working my way through that list you published 3 weeks ago. And what awaits me??? 540 more tips, all nicely made up as lists.

And what about the blogging part? Where has that gone? Did a memo not reach me, but have you all commonly decided to ditch sharing opinions?
I get it, I get it! Your lists are your opinions… it are THE best tools according to you!

My list? It’s a new one. Actually, it’s my wife’s list. She noticed how much lists interest me and just shove me a list under my nose. She actually send me an email. An email about lists.

Subject: You should check out this TOTALLY AWESOME list!

I’m a sucker. A sucker for lists. Big was my surprise when I read following items.

  • Take the garbage out
  • Fold the laundry
  • Take the dog to the vet
  • Clean the aquarium
  • Buy new socks
  • Pick up the kids from school
  • Do the dishes
  • Put the kids to bed
  • Have fun with me

I put that list at the end of the list ‘lists to check out’. I wonder if it will increase my producitivity!

Forbes’ Richest…Fictional

1. Warbucks, Oliver “Daddy” – $36.2 billion – 52 New York, N.Y. – Defense Industries
2. Burns, Charles Montgomery – $16.8 billion – 104 Springfield, U.S.A. – Energy
3. McDuck, Scrooge – $10.9 billion – 80 Duckburg, U.S.A. – Mining, Treasure Hunting
4. Rich, Richie – $10.7 billion – 10 Richville, U.S.A – Inheritance, Conglomerates
5. Clampett, Jed – $7.7 billion – 51 Beverly Hills, Calif. – Oil & Gas, Banking
6. Monopoly, Mr. – $7.1 billion – 71 Atlantic City, NJ – Real Estate
7. Wayne, Bruce – $6.8 billion – 32 Gotham City, U.S.A. – Inheritance, Defense
8. Stark, Anthony – $3.0 billion – 35 New York, New York – Defense
9. Prince Abakaliki of Nigeria – $2.8 billion – 37 Lagos, Nigeria – Inheritance
10. Howell, Thurston III – $2.7 billion – 60 Private Island, South Pacific – Howell Industries
11. Wonka, Willy – $2.0 billion – 57 Kent, England – Candy; aerospace
12. Malfoy, Lucius – $1.3 billion – 51 Wiltshire, England – Inheritance
13. Montana, Tony – $1 billion – 42 Miami, Florida – Cocaine
14. Croft, Lara – $1 billion – 37 Wimbledon, England – Inheritance, Antiques

Top 20 Jacks. No.17 – Jack Black

“I played, like, a year of piano until I learned the Pink Panther theme. That was my goal. Once I was good enough, I quit. Now my music has to have some rock.”“I’d rather be the king of kids, than the prince of fools.

“If Beethoven and Bach hooked up with Mozart and made a band, they could be a distant runner up to The D.

“The moment you start analyzing your own rock is the moment your rock is dead. That’s why rock is now pretty much dead. Too much analyzation. No rockalyzation!

“The movie Spinal Tap rocked my world. It’s for rock what The Sound of Music was for hills. They really nailed how dumb rock can be.”

“There’s nothing you can really do to prepare to rock. Do you prepare to eat a delicious meal? Are you hungry? Then you’re gonna eat it.”

“You must never underestimate the power of the eyebrow.

“You’re asking me to choose between two children, the one that pays more and the one that I secretly love more. With the acting, it’s somebody else’s brainchild, and I’m just sort of helping flesh it out; with the music, there’s a special satisfaction to being the brains behind the operation.

[tags]jack black, rock, beethoven,spinal tap,famous jacks,school of rock[/tags]

Top 20 Jacks. No.16 – Jack Paar

“I’m complicated, sentimental, lovable, honest, loyal, decent, generous, likable, and lonely. My personality is not split; it’s shredded.”

“Looking back, my life seems like one long obstacle race, with me as the chief obstacle.”

“Poor people have more fun than rich people, they say; and I notice it’s the rich people who keep saying it.”

“One gets the impression that this is how Ernest Hemingway would have written had he gone to Vassar.”

“I have never seen a bad television program, because I refuse to. God gave me a mind, and a wrist that turns things off.”

“Doing the show was like painting the George Washington Bridge. As soon as you finished one end, you started right in on the other.”

“To restore a sense of reality, I think Walt Disney should have a Hardluckland.”

“Statistics show that many people watch our show from the bedroom. and people you ask into your bedroom have to be more interesting than those you ask into your living room. I kid you not!”

“Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery”

[tags]jack paar,famous jacks,tonight show, televsion stars,zsa zsa gabor,david letterman[/tags]

When Insults Had Class

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”
- Winston Churchill

“A modest little person, with much to be modest about.”
- Winston Churchill

“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.”
- Clarence Darrow

“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”
- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

“Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?”
- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.”
- Moses Hadas

“He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.”
- Abraham Lincoln

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.”
- Groucho Marx

“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
- Mark Twain

“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.”
- Oscar Wilde

“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend… if you have one.”
- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second…if there is one.”
- Winston Churchill, in response

“I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.”
- Stephen Bishop

“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.”
- John Bright

“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.”
- Irvin S. Cobb

“He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others.”
- Samuel Johnson

“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.”
- Paul Keating

“He had delusions of adequacy.”
- Walter Kerr

“There’s nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won’t cure.”
- Jack E. Leonard

“He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.”
- Robert Redford

“They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.”
- Thomas Brackett Reed

“He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them.”
- James Reston (about Richard Nixon)

“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.”
- Charles, Count Talleyrand

“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.”
- Forrest Tucker

“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?”
- Mark Twain

“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.”
- Mae West

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.”
- Oscar Wilde

“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support rather than illumination.”
- Andrew Lang

“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.”
- Billy Wilder

[tags]winson churchill,insults,billy wilder, oscar wilde,mae west,class,mark twain,robert redford, ernest hemingway[/tags]

Top 20 Jacks. No.12 – Jack Benny

jackbenny

A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.

I don’t deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don’t deserve that either.

I don’t want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but all I can say is: when I go, they go too.

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.

[tags]jack benny, great comedy,bob hope, bogart, violins[/tags]