Jack of All Blogs » Politics

Stripping Down Sarah Palin

Andrew G.R. — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 18:09:57 +0000

Given our perverse preference for packaging over substance, it should come as no great surprise that the GOP recently spent over $150,000 bucks on Sarah Palins’ new wardrobe. Gucci boots, Gucci pocket books, haughty couture, yup; you go girl! Especially when you don’t have to pay for any of it. This smacks of a new TV reality show, the great make-over: ‘Sarah Goes Suave’. Yuck.

Of course, the Republicans are totally pissed that these revelations have become public – and for good reason. After all, it’s kinda hard to justify how such over-the-top spending and sheer decadence can be explained away. Especially in the current economic situation that the rest of us find ourselves mired in. Hey, wasn’t St. Sarah supposed to be the voice of the ‘hockey mom,’ the militant middle classer, a plain Jane type of woman who detested pretension and who wasn’t going to take, or tolerate, Washingtons’ arrogance, or its’ well-known greed, any longer?

And as for the proverbial ‘Joe Six Pack’ who she vigorously claims to represent, he may not have even heard of Saks Fifth Avenue, Neiman Marcus or even Bloomies. Just as well, because the way things are going, the closest he (or his family, for that matter) will ever get to high fashion is perusing a Sears catalog. Why should he, anyway, especially since his wife probably buys her wardrobe at K-Mart.

To be fair, and non-partisan, it isn’t just the GOP that never stops playing us for the suckers and fools they really believe us to be. Nope, the Dems are no better when it comes to under-valuing and disrespecting the American public. Remember John Edwards’ $400 haircuts? Oh, and let’s not ignore that other great populist, the Hillary, who’s only about another two facelifts away from looking like Joan Rivers.

All of this cheap manipulation in the political swamp is really no different than the successful marketing of the worst junk food, by simply using the best packaging. The pros call it ‘eye appeal,’ designed to get us to spend our hard-earned money on…crap. Or the advertising types, producing the most inane and boring commercials, and relying on us, the complacent sheeple, to not only welcome their insane, let alone supremely irritating repetition on the TV, but to actually go out and buy whatever it is they’re selling. Yet, and when it comes to Americas’ future, like in the upcoming presidential election, this kind of cheap manipulation is far more criminal than the usual huckstering to buy a so and so mattress or blah blahs’ potato chips.

Sadly, this all reminds me of Evita Peron, the infamous Argentine dictator’s wife. While awash in Nazi bribe money, and indulging in every conceivable luxury, she co-presided over a nation whose people were starved, abused and illiterate. Yet, she was nonetheless able to convince the poorest of the poor, the so-called ‘shirtless ones,’ that she was their champion. And they worshipped her.

Aren’t Americans better and smarter than that?

Who Wants to Have Sex With Sarah Palin?

Kill the Moderator

Andrew G.R. — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 15:58:30 +0000

Obama’s big grin said it all.

Allow me to translate.

“Can you believe this crazy old man? He’s so out of touch. I’ll sit here and be polite. Let’s hear him out. The same way we let crazy Uncle Lester blow off steam at Thanksgiving.”

And McCain’s eyeroll spoke volumes.

“Silly kid. Your dreams of becoming president are admirable, but you don’t have the experience. Just go back to some basement to hang out with your terrorist buddies.”

Bob Schieffer was the old-school journalist gentleman, yet he failed the same way the other three moderators failed. People who want to run the country must be forced to answer questions. That’s why during the next election cycle, the American people should demand an ENFORCER. Forget the moderator. We need someone who takes candidates to task for empty answers.

Conversations about decade-old personal matters must be stopped immediately. And transparent references to Joe Q. Citizen must be limited. The fact that Joe the Plumber now has 60 seconds of fame – and over 1,000 T-shirts to choose from – is perfectly American. Perfectly f*cked up.

McCain finally showed some energy. Obama proved calm and steady. And, for some strange reason, the ongoing war in Iraq has become a footnote. I understand that the U.S. death toll has declined since April, but this military struggle is directly tied to the country’s economic outlook. If it’s not, I’m ready and willing to be corrected.

Is it fair to say that if there was no war there would be no domestic econmic problem? Granted, there’s a chance we’d all be blown to bits, but the markets would be more stable, no?

Speechwriters and Main Street

Andrew G.R. — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 18:57:47 +0000

Red and Blue. Main Street and Wall Street. The haves and have-nots. Us vs. Them.

Are we so unevolved that we must classify ourselves with a broad group of people? Fold ourselves repeatedly until we fit in a neat little compartment that somebody else made for us?

Not me. I won’t do it. And if you EVER drop the Main Street line on me in person, I will drop you to your knees and make you pray to my God. He’s a lot less forgiving than yours.

Look what Google yields for the following searches:

“main street vs. wall street” = 50,700

“main street versus wall street” = 5,650

“main street” “wall street” = 6.75 million

Partially at fault – aside from the spoon-feed-us-anything American citizens – are the speechwriters. You know, the 50-year old guy from Wyoming who can sound like hockey mom. The midget hermit who moves millions. The transgendered human attempting to topple Roe v, Wade and so forth.

A good writer can make us believe anything. A great writer does it without any seams. They worm catchphrases and beliefs into our living rooms before we can bat an eye.

After they make us ‘believe’ a candidate, they will inevitably burn out and fade away. Their comeback trail will feature a ‘tell-all’ book and many cable news appearances. Eventually, they will latch on to yet another ‘rising’ political star and wear a different mask. They relish in dividing America; slicing our nation into two sides that are constantly at odds.

As cable news panels ‘instantly’ react to the “candidate’s” words at tonight’s final presidential debate – don’t forget to give credit to the real combatants. If you look beyond the prompter, McCain is young and Obama is white. At least that’s where the words are coming from.

Will the Third Debate Be ‘Electronic Ambien?’

Andrew G.R. — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 12:49:03 +0000

After suffering through the recent presidential debate, I’m really shocked that one of the major drug companies didn’t make a bee line to the Patent Office and file for electronic Ambien! Talk about an over-the-counter sleep medication, this debate was nothing more than a damned narcotic. I know, let’s call it visual Vicodan! ‘Cause, and despite my usual double dose of caffiene-laden Kenyan coffee, I still got to be anaesthatized by these two guys. And I know that I’m among the many nodding minions.

In fact, even the Lenos and Lettermans whined about the lack of joke material that the long, boring and at times tortuous debate between Obama and McCain yielded. It’s really ironic, if you think about it, that now, right now, while we’re being slam-dunked by a dramatic economic turn-down, stuck in a seemingly winless two-front war and are confronted with an unprecented array of social issues, the candidates were still so nil, so blah, so nothing…

Sure, all of the political junkies and partisans will say that their guy scored points on this or that, on who’s pro (or anti) regulation, who really wants to protect ‘the common man’, ad nauseum. And what a trillion dollars really means (i’m still clueless). It’s like during the Veep debate, when Biden actually had the balls to brag about ‘hanging out at Home Depot’. Gimme a break-the closest he ever got to them was when he included them in his stock portfolio. And as for Saint Sarah, her homily of ‘homeyisms’ was-gee whiz, go-o-lly, absolutely nauseating. A Gomer Pyle in drag.

Yet and still, the debate, with Tom Brokaw crawling out of the retirement ooze to moderate (don’t these ancient media types ever go away?), did have a few-very few- moments. Obama, for all his usual charm, appeared to alternate, when listening to McCain, between looking smarmy and playing the attentive student. You know, the classmate who arrived late and got stuck sitting in the lecture hall’s front row. He’s bored to hell, but pretends to be attentive in the hopes that he won’t get called on to answer a question. But hey, his suit fit well and his tie matched. Obama-please, please stop with the smirking. It’s okay to be pissed off at your opponent, we won’t see you as ‘the angry black man’; at least most of us won’t.

McCain, by contrast, appeared old, startlingly so. Okay, we understand that he’s somewhat stiff as a result of his war injuries, but beyond that, his body language, his movements and even the tener of his voice betrayed his age. Very different, if you think about it, from his still shots and stationary podium appearances. And that baggy, saggy suit-he really ought to use on his wife Cindys’ many fashion consultants. I mean, it would be one thing for McCain to play the American Legion guy wearing his one wedding/funeral suit, but for a politico who doesn’t even know how many houses he owns? And is married to a mega-millionairess?Shab is, after all, just that-shab. Also, his now infamous referral to Obama as ‘that one’ (while standing near him) was kinda crude. This type of comment is usually used by a cranky grandma when complaining about her least favorite grandchild. I swear, and if he calls me ‘my friend’ just one more time, I’ll kick my TV screen in.

Mayor Bloomberg Part 3?

Andrew G.R. — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 19:10:32 +0000

We’re not done with New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg yet…

It should be no surprise to anyone that the great populist, and self-proclaimed man of the people, “Mayor Mike” Bloomberg, is plotting, and so far successfully scheming, to overturn term limits in New York City. So that he can remain king for as long as he damned well pleases. Sure, he’s citing the current economic crisis as the rationale for this assault on democracy. And if it wasn’t this, then I guarantee that it would be something else. The fact that the city’s voters have twice voted in overwhelming numbers for term limits is, to a plutocrat like Bloomberg, startlingly irrelevant. As it also is to the big business and real estate interests who he perennially shills for.

And why should he feel otherwise? After all, he’s got a total lock on the media, both print and electronic. Hmm, these journalistic vanguards of the public good, awash in their own self-righteousness, are nothing more than trained seals, mindlessly barking Mayor Mikes’ blessings. And that even includes what was formerly known as the newspaper of record, the New York Slimes. And you thought that John Gotti was Teflon? Gimme a break. The National Enquirer has more integrity than the entire spate of New York media outlets.

The good ole’ Sheeple, and that’s really all of us, passively permit this travesty to continue. I mean, they tell us that most New Yorkers say that Mayor Mike is doing a great job. Of course, they can never cite any one specific thing that he’s done for us. Except ban transfats, force Snapple vending machines into City offices, and cramming more and more fancy housing units for the rich into already overcrowded areas, so that we’ll all end up feeling as if we live in a roach motel. All, by the way, under the guise of ‘going green’.

Can you imagine the sheer arrogance, the pomposity, the unctuousness of this wanna be Banana Republic dictator? Hey, and even if he didn’t look like the constipated, middle aged money-grubbing asshole that he is, he would still look distinctively third rate. Yet and still, Mayor Mike’s notorious nannyism, like his bloated ego, knows no bounds. After all, he knows what’s best for us-he said so himself.

Imagine the absolute absurdity of thinking that, in a city of over eight million people, only one man, one man, can lead the people. Sorry to say, but we’ve heard it all before. In a smoke-filled, cheap Munich beer hall, where a comedic character in an ill-fitting brown uniform ranted and demanded power. And no one stopped him either…