Jack of All Blogs » Society

What’s Up With Family Stickers on Cars?

Andrew G.R. — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 16:45:20 +0000

If you are old enough, you’ll remember the ‘baby on board’ craze. These were small yellow diamonds that people hung in their vehicles to make a statement about their personal life.

Baby on Board spawned Dog on Board, Cat on Board, and even Bitch on Board.

I guess the thinking is that an aggressive driver, or a drunk one, will see the sign and be extra cautious when driving near the yellow-tagged vehicle.

There is a new trend that is similar, but even more annoying. Family decals. (like these) White outlines stickers that depict each member of a family.

Choose between adults, kids and pets – you can even add your family name.

I don’t care that your kid is an honor student; I don’t care what college he/she attended; I don’t care what political party you voted for or what sports team you root for. Why on earth would I care to know how many members are in your family?

It’s like a calling card for pedophiles, an invitation for dog nappers.

Can someone out there explain to me the purpose of a family decal? Is it so that you remember to account for everyone before pulling out of the supermarket parking lot? Or is it so that the spinsters of the world can wallow in envy?

If you have one of these family decals on your car, step up and explain why!

The Bachelor is Harder to Watch In a Recession

Andrew G.R. — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 21:10:36 +0000

The blogosphere is a twitter about the season 13 finale of the ABC reality show The Bachelor. According to the show’s latest teaser, it will be the ‘most shocking conclusion ever.’ But isn’t it always.

Filming of the show lasts six weeks, people. Most people do not fall in love so quickly. And if they do, most relationships can’t be sustained.

Look at the settings and circumstances these people are immersed into. Every detail is perfection. From the hundreds of lit candles to the thousands of rose pedals, how can anything be real when the conditions are so fake?

So let me ask you this: Would Bachelor on a Budget concept work? Same show. Same people. Different surroundings.

These tight economic times could spawn a new genre of reality TV that is shrouded in frugality. Or perhaps I have it wrong, and these lean times make vicarious living more important than ever before.

I’m not sure what is considered a date in your part of the world, but if I were a betting man, I’m guessing a movie, some dinner and a few drinks would fit the bill. If you’re refined, perhaps a stroll through the big city museum. Adventurous? Get on those rollerblades and hit the park.

Overnight stays at 5-star resorts that end in empty champagne bottles and bubble baths – with a person we’ve known for a few weeks – is unlikely. Even the lucky among us only get this treat once a year.

we are a society obsessed with the relationship failures and successes (in that order) of other people. People see desperate for The Bachelor and his winning pick to ‘make it.’ Whatever that means.

There’s a real world out there. Don’t be blinded by the roses.

The Plight of the Skinny Man

Andrew G.R. — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 21:15:31 +0000

Skinny dudes get no respect. In a culture obsessed with obesity, diets and weight-loss shows that act as a national sport, have taken the spotlight.

But what about society’s stick figures? Sure they’re uniformly cursed by those who suffer to shed a pound, but they have issues of their own! Low muscle mass, hair loss, botched up hormones, osteoporosis, and anemia, to name a few.

One of the worst parts of being a member of the Thin Brigade is that folks think they have license to say what they want to lightweights.

“God, you’re so skinny.”

If it were to work in reverse, there would be a double-standard beat down.

“God, you’re so large.”

I’m convinced there’s an untapped cottage industry out there. One day you’ll be able to buy FatWater (a beverage designed to gain weight that actually tastes good). Heck, there might even be a reality show. Since people love watching other people eat, why not put skinnies against one another to pack on the pounds? It would be like The Biggest Loser meets Supersize Me. In fact my pitch is sitting on the desks of several top network execs. I’m just waiting for the call…

Skinny folks might be more comfortable in airline seats, and they may be able to fit places you can only dream of, but they also break easier, carry less and suffer from more wrinkles, bulgier eyes and general weakness.

So next time you have the chance, support your skinny colleagues to achieve their body-weight goals as you would help the obese.

Skinny ain’t lookin’ for sympathy. Maybe just a hamburger.

No Breakfast = Teenage Sex

Andrew G.R. — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 15:44:07 +0000

Some weird exports come outta Japan, but this latest study might take the cake – or the virginity. Word on the Tokyo streets is that teens who skip breakfast have sex.

In fact, the average age of first-time sex for those who said they ate breakfast every day as a middle school student was 19.4, while for those who skipped breakfast, the average age was 17.5.

So load your kids up with Apple Jacks, Eggo waffles and Spanish frittatas, cause apparently, depriving them from ‘the most important meal of the day,’ is a recipe for premature intercourse, and by that, I’m talking about underage sex.

I have no idea what’s behind the study. Does no breakfast mean low blood sugar leads to faulty decisions? Does it mean your parents don’t love you, leaving you with no one to consult on sexual matters? Or maybe, English Muffins and orange juice suck away your every desire?

The intention has always been to get kids to make time for a nutritious breakfast. It looks like a single survey will undo decades of work, as a bunch of horny boys forgo the first meal to increase their odds of action. Heck, If I were 16 again, I certainly would.

So if you’re a parent with young children make sure you enforce a must-eat breakfast policy. Either that or add Planned Parenthood to your speed dial.

Blog Marketing Gone Awry

Gas No Longer to Blame for High Prices

Andrew G.R. — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 19:27:02 +0000

Gas prices have come back down to earth, but that doesn’t mean you should expect other industries to follow suit.

Take my local bagel store for instance. About two months ago they hung a sign explaining how the HAD to raise prices due to an increase in transport costs. Gas is down to $2.50 a gallon; my plain bagel is still $1.

The same is true of all the area pizzerias. The price of flour, mozzarella cheese and tomatoes have decreased dramatically over the past few months, however, the elevated price of a slice remains steady.

And honest business owner will admit that a price rollback is insanity. What sane person would turn away a profit increase? It seems to go against human nature.

That is why it is up to you and me to put things in check. Ask your mom and pop shop owner when you should expect prices to ‘return to normal.’ If you don’t like their answer – or they don’t have one – find another store. Repeat this process until you tip the scales of supply and demand back in the consumer’s favor.

Things go up in price, that’s just the way it is. But the gas gauge of 2008 is starting to fade in the rear view mirror. Keep your local business honest and help bring things back to balance.

Blaming it all on gas is not going to cut it any longer.